I Just Don't Get It
by paddy-and-remmy
Summary: Hogwarts for the Marauders, Lily, and her friends is very confusing, The guys not understanding the girls, teachers not understanding students, and Sirius not understanding anything. Best way to describe it is using Lily's own words, I just don't get it
1. It's Just Not Right

"Oh no, not again." Fifteen year old Lily Evans sighed as the familiar brown owl landed in front of her food. Sighing again, she pulled the roll of parchment from the owl's leg.

'_Lily,_

_Do you feel lucky this morning? Maybe this morning is the one where you'll agree to go to Hogsmeade with me! What do you say? _

_-James Potter-'_

Lily rolled her eyes and scribbled a pleasant little no, then gave it to the owl, which flew down five seats and gave it to its owner.

"Maybe you should just sleep with him and get it over with." Lauren Hartigan, one of Lily's closer friends suggested. She looked into Lily's glaring eyes then quickly added, "Just kidding." and leaned over her food, hiding behind a sheet of dark brown hair.

"Honestly, I don't see why you won't give him a chance. He's not as bad as he seems you know." Linda Levans interjected. She had grown up living next door to James and she couldn't see why Lily wouldn't give him a chance.

"Ah, well, boys are crap; we would do so much better without them, except for that whole continuing the species thing." Elyzabeth Etat sighed.

"Not all boys are crap, thank you very much." Lauren smiled and waved down to her boyfriend of 3 weeks, Remus Lupin. "Just because you got involved with Sirius Black, and we did warn you not to." Lauren smirked slightly.

Lyzzi opened her mouth to retaliate when her brown owl dropped two letters in front of her. She dove into the letter and read them eagerly. Lauren stared down the table dreamily looking at Remus. Linda turned back to her eggs. Lily looked at each of her friends in turn and smiled. Even with Potter being the annoying git he was, these girls made Hogwarts great.

iIi

"Aww, tough luck, again. You should be used to it now." Sirius sighed, pulling a pitcher of pumpkin juice towards him and watching James read the short note his owl just brought him. "Perhaps you'll give up this time," He looked at James hopefully, but got an offended stare in return. "Ah, well, I thought I'd try." Sirius laughed.

"Seriously though, it seems kind of hopeless sometimes, doesn't it?" Peter sighed.

"Ahh, I've always got a chance." James smiled, slipping Lily's note into his pocket.

"Wasn't her letter yesterday, '_Potter, you haven't got a chance. –Evans'_" Remus smiled.

"Wow, how do you know it word for word?" Sirius looked shocked. Remus glanced down the table before leaning into the group.

"Werewolf memory, annoying as crap." Remus sighed. He glanced down the table and smiled at Lauren, who was waving at him.

"It's not right you know." Sirius looked at Remus, "It's not fair to Lauren, you don't like her as much as you used to."

"Since when have you cared?" Peter laughed.

"I Don't…" Sirius looked slightly uncomfortable, "It's just…well, I thought I'd let Remmy know."

Sirius's eyes bore into Remus's. Remus turned away quickly; he couldn't understand why Sirius could make him feel so guilty. Luckily, he was saved when James decided breakfast was over.

"Come on guys, we need to think of a new way to ask her tomorrow…" James led the group back into the common room for what was sure to be one of their more boring Saturday mornings.

iIi

"No, no, no!" Lyzzi laughed at Lauren in their dormitory. Lauren was holding a calculator upside down pressing random buttons.

"Here," Lily reached over and put the calculator into Lauren's hands the right way. "This way you can read the numbers."

"Yeah, but I made it say hello!" Lauren flipped the calculator the other way again.

"It's tough to be friends with Pure-bloods." Lily shook her head, smiling.

"I know. We muggle-borns are so much better." Lyzzi smiled back.

"Must not hex Lyzzi to pulp." Linda smiled.

"Oh please! You wouldn't hex a fly!" Lauren smiled.

"No, but I will do this." Linda grabbed the nearest pillow and brought it crashing down onto Lyzzi's head. All hell broke loose as the pillow fight continued on.

iIi

"Okay, we need to come up with something original, something she'll never see coming." James paced in the corner of the boys' dormitory that the Marauders were sitting in.

"Jeez Prongsie, you've been after her for a full year now, the girl doesn't want you, give her a break." Sirius tossed a paper ball into the air and let it fall down again.

"But…but…" James sighed and sat down on his bed, "what if I give up right when she decides that I'm date-able…No I can't give up!" James sighed.

"Nice try mate." Remus whispered to Sirius, "I'm sick of all this Lily talk too."

"Thought I'd give it a shot," Sirius tossed the paper ball back into the air and thought back to what he said to Remus earlier that morning about Lauren.

Meanwhile, Peter was snoozing on his bed, bored to no extent.

"Padfoot, mate, you okay?" Remus asked. Sirius let the paper ball fall onto his face and he didn't even flinch.

"Huh? Oh… yeah, I'm fine." Padfoot scratched his nose and sat up. "Prongs, why don't you try a different attempt? And NOT ask her. That way, maybe she'll get confused as to why her normal owl didn't come and come over asking what was wrong."

Remus gasped, "Paddy! I'm astonished with your thinking! How long did that take to come up with? A month, A YEAR?"

"Shut up!" Paddy threw the paper ball at Remus.

"That actually isn't a bad idea." James thought for a minute. "All right, I'll go for it! But, if nothing happens, Paddy, I'm blaming you entirely!" James slouched onto his bed staring out the window, praying that Lily Evans would finally make a move the next day.

iIi

"Lily, when are you EVER going to say yes to James? I mean, it's been FOREVER that he's been sending you notes every morning!" Linda threw her pillow down after a tiring half hour fight.

"The minute she says 'yes' to James. Is the minute I start dating Snivellus!" Lauren joked, throwing her pillow on top of Linda.

"Come on, guys. Give her some slack. Lauren, what would you do if Sirius sent you a note EVERY morning, asking you to go to Hogsmeade with him?" Lyzzi asked, collapsing on a couch.

"I would probably say 'yes'." The girls stared at her, wide-eyed, "Come on, we all know Mr. Sirius Black is good for laughs! I would say 'yes' just because he would be fun to go into Zonko's with. Of course, that's if I wasn't dating my Remmy!" Lauren had a glazed look over her eyes as she stared into the common room fire.

"Lauren, you should know by now that he hates to be called Remmy; even if by you!" Lyzzi tried to make Lauren understand every time she called him that.

"There she goes again. Every time Remus is mentioned, she zones just thinking about him. Who knows how long she'll be gone this time! I understand that she likes him and all. But, goodness, I'm dating Peter, I like him. But, I don't get into this dreamy mood every time he's mentioned!" Linda tried getting Lauren back by continuously hitting her over the head with a pillow.

"Give it up, Linda. She's not coming back." Lyzzi sat down at a table and opened her Transfiguration textbook, "I can't believe McGonagall assigned a two-foot essay on training to become an Animagi!"

Lily threw her books on the table next to Lyzzi and started her essay.

"What's the point of knowing how to be an Animagi, if you have to be registered to be one?" Lauren asked, finally coming out of her dreamy state.

"Wow! Lauren, that's DEFINITELY a record! 5 minutes! I'm impressed!" Linda clapped rather sarcastically and laughed with the others.

iIi

A/N from Pad: Well, our first chapter! TWOOT! Go us:P :D Yeah, hope you guys enjoy it! And don't forget to review! We seem to be addicted to those… though I don't get many :tear:

A/N from Rem: Yeah well, with one down, who knows how many more to go! This story should go on for a good long while. See you all later.


	2. A love letter?

James awoke Saturday morning to an owl standing on his chest, staring at him. He screamed and rolled off his bed as the owl flew up and hooted happily.

"Blood bird…" He groggily murmured, scratching the top of his head where he had bumped it on the wall.

He snatched the parchment rolled up on its leg and cocked his eyebrow… the bird didn't leave. He sighed and opened up the parchment, thinking it to be last minute homework questions from Peter, or maybe Sirius asking how to tie his shoes again:

_James,_

_I've given this quite a bit of thought. And I've come to the conclusion that, yes, I will go on a date with you. I hope that the next Hogsmeade day is okay with you._

_Sincerely,_

_Lily_

_P.S. Please don't tell the girls, or the Marauders, that I've accepted your offer; only you and I know._

James's heart leaped as he let the paper fall to the ground. Lily Evans actually said "yes" to him! He must've been dreaming! No… his dreams contained a lot more than just that… quite a lot more.

He remembered the little tawny owl sitting on his bed and scrounged his room for a spare bit of parchment:

_Lily,_

_Hogsmeade sounds great! And, don't worry, your secret's safe with me._

_Sincerely,_

_James_

He rolled up the letter and strapped it onto the owl's outstretched leg. He sighed as he watched it fly out the window… wait, the window wasn't open. The bird crashed with a 'thud' into the window and collapsed onto the still. James ran to pick it up, when he noticed that the bird didn't belong to Lily.

"Oh well," He said, "She probably didn't want to raise suspicions."

He opened the window and gave the tiny bird a light push. Then, he folded Lily's letter and shoved it into his pocket. After, James ran to get dressed and go to breakfast.

iIi

As James sat at the breakfast table, the other Marauders began to pile in around him.

"…Prongs? What's with the goofy smile? And are you wearing… aftershave!" Remus sat next to James and got a whiff of the air.

James didn't pay any attention and stared at the wall across from him in a dreamy state.

Then, Sirius noticed a peace of parchment sticking out of James's pocket. He lunged his hand forward and pulled it out.

"What's this James? A love letter from Peter?" Sirius joked.

"NO!" Peter blushed.

James snapped out of his trance and grabbed at the letter helplessly as Sirius held it out of his grasp.

"Should I read it out loud, boys?" Sirius wiggled his eyebrows and began to unfold the letter.

"Yes!" Remus and Peter screamed aloud.

"NO!" James retaliated.

Sirius cleared his throat, "Dear James." Remus and Peter laughed, James sat down in defeat.

"I've given this quite a bit of thought," Sirius read dramatically, "And I've come to the conclusion that, yes, I will go on a date with you…" Sirius slowed down as Remus's and Peter's jaws dropped open, "Sincerely, Lily." He didn't bother to read the rest of the letter and was anxious to see who wrote it.

"I never thought I'd say this but… Sirius's plan actually worked…" Remus gawked.

"I never thought I'd hear it…" Sirius gave the paper back to James.

"You guys aren't supposed to know!" James hissed, shoving the letter back into his pocket, "Quick! Sit down like nothing happened!"

Lily, Lauren, Lyzzi, and Linda walked into the Great Hall and sat down at the end of the table next to the Marauders. Lauren ran down to the boys and gave Remus a swift kiss and sat down.

"How's my Remmy?" She asked.

The other Marauders snickered.

"Lauren, how many times, I don't like being called Remmy!" Remus fumed.

"Aw, I'm sorry, babe." She kissed him again and strode off to sit back down with the girls.

James and Peter both made cooing noises and taunted "Remmy."

Sirius's eyes, once again, bored into Remus's.

"WHAT?" Remus asked, thoroughly annoyed.

Sirius shook his head, "You don't treat her right."

"What do you care? It's not like you would do any better with another girl!" Remus waved Sirius away.

"Just because I have one-night stands when I'm single doesn't mean I wouldn't treat a girlfriend with respect!" Sirius stormed off with his books. Where, nobody knew.

All the girls looked up at this outrage and Lyzzi, Lily, and Linda stared accusingly at the boys at the table. Lauren, however, watched Sirius and left the table after him.

Remus paid no attention and the other girls went back to their food.

iIi

Lauren stealthily followed Sirius all the way to the Quidditch Pitch until she tripped over some Slytherin equipment.

"Shit!" She silently cursed.

Sirius whipped his head around and smirked when he saw Lauren try to hide behind the broomsticks.

"I… um… came to see if you were alright." She got out of behind the broomsticks and knocked them over in the process.

"I'll be fine… Remus just gets to me sometimes, that's all." Sirius sat down on the players' bench in the Gryffindor tent.

"Oh? What about?" Lauren sat down next to him.

"Nothing…" Sirius sighed; he wished he could tell her.

"No, tell me!" She lifted his head with her finger.

"I can't…" He stood up and walked back to the Pitch.

"Sirius Alexander Black!" Lauren screamed after him.

Sirius whirled around with tears dancing in his eyes, "I just don't think he treats you right!" He screamed back.

Lauren's face contorted in anger, "My Remmy treats me just fine! How would you know anyway?" She scoffed.

"You know what, maybe I don't know! Maybe I'm being ridiculous for thinking…" Sirius stopped himself short.

"Go on, say it! For thinking you know how to treat a girl. Well, you don't, Sirius!" Lauren stormed off towards the castle.

"FINE! Forget I was going to say anything!" He yelled back at her.

"FINE!" She slammed the front doors to the castle closed.

iIi

Sirius walked back to the common room pale-faced and weal.

"Padfoot, mate, what happened?" James laid his book down, folding down the page in to save his spot.

"Nothing. But, Moony, I think you should go comfort your girlfriend." He walked up the stairs to the dormitories, laid on his bed, and closed the curtains.

Remus looked up from his game of chess with Peter and saw Lauren curled up in a ball, crying in front of the fireplace.

"Lauren, love, what's wrong" Remus comforted her in his lap, her head on his chest.

"Sirius said that… y-y-you don't treat me r-r-r-right." She gulped and wiped away the mascara streaming down her face.

Remus sighed and put his chin on her head, "You know I love you and that I have so many Prefect duties. And not to mention you have Quidditch."

"I know. It just hurt so much." She got up and wiped away the rest of her tears, "I must look ridiculous." She tried to wipe the wrinkles from her shirt and skirt, and took her cloak off.

"You look fine, darling." Remus wiped the extra mascara from her face.

He took her face in his hand and kissed her forehead, nose, then her lips.

"I love you, Remus." Lauren sighed.

"I love you too, Lauren." Remus replied.

iIi

Later that day, Remusdisappeared to the library, and Lauren remained in the girls' dormitory,leaving Peter, James, Lily, Lyzzi, and Linda in the common room. Linda was laying on the couch with Peter, looking out the window at the Quidditch pitch. James stared longingly at Lily studying with Lyzzi for Transfiguration.

"…Potter…Potter?" Lily threw a balled up parchment in his direction.

"Oh… yeah?" He asked, snapped out yet another trance.

"What do you know about Animagi?" She yelled from across the room.

"Quite a bit…" James blushed.

"Could you help us then?" She hesitated.

"Sure!" He practically flew out of his seat and across the room.  
Then, the three of them got into a deep discussion until Lyzzi had to use the restroom. This was James's chance to ask Lily more about Hogsmeade.

"Um… Lily… about the letter you wrote me this morning…" James loosened his tie and gulped.

"What letter?" Lily furrowed here eyebrows and looked up from her parchment.

"You said that you would go to Hogsmeade with me…" James breathed heavier.

There was a long silence. Then, James impatiently pulled the letter out of his pocket and shoved it into her hands. She murmured as she read it. Then…

"I'M GOING TO KILL HER!" Lily screamed in embarrassment, agony, and fury.


	3. Remus equals Frank

Lily charged up the girls' staircase. "How dare you! How could you!" Lily screamed the second she burst through the dormitory door.

"Do what, Lily dear?" Lauren asked calmly from her bed.

"'I've given this quite a bit of thought. And I've come to the conclusion that, yes, I will go on a date with you… Please don't tell the girls, or the Marauders, that I've accepted your offer; only you and I know…" Lily let the words drip off her tongue like poison.

"Yes, aren't 'your' words beautiful?" Lauren smiled, leaping off her bed and crossing into the bathroom.

"Beautiful? My words! Lauren Rachael Hartigan, YOU wrote those disgusting words." Lily spat, following her into the bathroom.

"Have you seen my hairbrush? Not the blue one, the purple one?"

"What…No! Lauren! What am I going to do? What are you going to do? How dare you do this?"

"Oh, honestly! All you need is a little kick start with the boy and you'll be good to go. Here it is!" Lauren cried, emerging from under the sink with the purple hair brush.

"A kick start? A kick start!" Lily stared at Lauren as she dragged her hair back into a perfect ponytail. "I am appalled, I am shocked, I am pissed…"

"Lily, dear, you need to stop getting so upset. You look simply flustered, and no man likes a flustered girl." Lauren broke in with a voice a fair degree more polite then her normal voice. Switching back into her regular voice she rummaged into her trunk, "What's done is done. Just roll with the punches, and try to take everything at face value. It can't be but so bad, now can it?"

"I can't stand you!" Lily cried over her shoulder as she stormed back down into the common room. When she made it, James stood up quickly from the chair he had slumped into after she trudged up there.

"Lily? What's going on?"

"Evans, Potter! And I'm sorry to announce that you have been the victim of a very cruel practical joke of Ms. Hartigan's doing. I'm sorry for the inconvenience." She snapped, before chucking the balled-up note right at the bridge of his glasses, and storming off to the library.

Lauren emerged from the stairwell moments later, broom over her shoulder. "Sorry mate," She shrugged, "I did what I could." She offered him a weak smile, before making her way out of the common room as well. Peter sat up from where he had been sitting with his head against Linda's shoulder.

"Does this mean Remus and I will be the only ones with dates to Hogsmeade?"

"I guess so, Wormtail." James sighed dejectedly as he sank back into his chair.

"Who would've guessed?"

iIi

Lily came into the library slammed her fist down on the table next to Remus. "Honestly!" She whispered. "I can't take her."

"Can't take who?" Remus asked, gently placing his book down on the table. Even though their fifth year had just seemed to begin, the past few weeks of Prefect rounds taught Remus how to handle Lily when she was in one of these moods.

"That girl…that jerk, that…urg!" Lily took a deep breath and threw her head down into her hands. When she looked up a minute later, she whispered, "That woman will be the death of me, or I'll be the death of her, I haven't quite decided yet."

"Lauren?" Remus asked cautiously.

"Yeah."

"Sadly, I'd have to say the same goes for me."

"Oh, that's a horrible thing to say about your girlfriend." Lily whispered harshly.


	4. Quidditch is No Game for Girls

A/N: Hey… hope you guys like the quick update! We are on the ball, huh?

* * *

Lauren lay on her bed staring at her crimson curtains laying over the frame.

"Hey, Lauren? You might wanna hide, Lily's coming back." Lyzzi poked her head in the door.

"Thanks, Lyz. Hey, listen, do me a favor. Ask Sirius to meet me at the Quidditch at 7, would ya?"

"Sure. Just hurry." Lyzzi disappeared behind the door.

Lauren grabbed her broom and threw open the windows to the girls dormitory. She jumped out of the window and onto her broom, zooming toward the Quidditch Pitch.

"I've got one hour to think of something to say to Sirius." Lauren whispered to herself.

iIi

"Hey, Sirius? Lauren wants you to meet her at the Quidditch Pitch at 7." Lyzzi muffled through the door to the boys dormitory.

"Huh, why?" Sirius opened the door.

"I don't know. I'm just the messenger here." Lyzzi made her way down the stairs to return to her essay.

"Just great…" Sirius ran over to his trunk and threw his clothes everywhere.

iIi

"I could…. No… no… that's stupid." Lauren circled the Quidditch Pitch, thinking of anything to say or do with Sirius.

"What's stupid?" Sirius called up from the grass.

"N-nothing," Lauren flew next to Sirius and dismounted her broom.

"You wanted to speak to me?"

"Yeah… um…. I…err… actually wanted to challenge you to a game of Quidditch!" Lauren threw on the best aggressive smile she could, hoping to convince him.

"Quidditch is no game for girls, Lauren." Sirius hovered a foot above the ground on his silver arrow.

"I could fly circles around you Mr. Black," Lauren flew above Sirius and took the Quaffle.

He was surprised at Lauren's skills and immediately flew after her in attempt to take the Quaffle back. This lasted for about 10 minutes until Lauren made a goal. Then, it began to rain.

"You think maybe we should go in?" Sirius asked, stopping next to Lauren.

"Are you kidding? This makes it SO much more fun!" Lauren giggled and sped off.

Sirius smirked and chased after her. Within minutes, they were both soaked.

While Sirius was in possession of the Quaffle, he called a time-out. For a split second, Lauren thought he had gotten tired. But, she knew better and curiously watched Mr. Black.

He hovered an inch over the ground and laid the Quaffle down in the dewy grass. Then, he did something that caused Lauren to fall halfway off of her broom. He took his shirt off.

She stared at him as he grabbed for the Quaffle and flew back up.

His firmly toned body, his abs caused Lauren to stare, and she never wanted to look away.

Then, a voice in the back of her mind spoke.

_Lauren… HELLO? You're dating Remus Lupin!_

But, can't I just look?

_NO! You can't! You've devoted yourself to Remmy! _

Oh, come on. Sirius is so….. so…. Sexy!

_No, you….. you're right… _

Screw Remmy for tonight! I'm going after the hottest guy in school, Sirius Black!

While Lauren was having a mental battle, Sirius was having one of his own.

_You shouldn't have done that! Moony's gonna kill you! _

No, he's not. He told me he doesn't care for Lauren anymore, remember?

_I suppose… but they're still dating! _

He's breaking up with her in 2 days. By Padfoot standards, they're not!

_FINE! But… just be careful! _

"I hate it when my conscience sounds like my mother!" Sirius said aloud.

This caused Lauren to break out of her daydreaming state.

"Huh… wha-? Did you say something?" She blinked and checked her chin for any drool.

"Erm.. nothing…" Sirius blushed and flew over to her.

Lauren's heart started beating faster.

"Listen, screw Quidditch and lemme show you this private waterfall paradise just beyond the Forbidden Forest, whaddya say?" Sirius offered his hand.

"Okay…" Lauren hopped onto his broom in the front and hid hers in the stands.

When they started off, Sirius slowly leaned forward to get a better grip on the broom.

Lauren could feel his breath on her ear and his heartbeat on her back. She closed her eyes and sighed softly; she wanted to stay in that moment forever.

The flight was silent except for a few "Are you okay?" from Sirius.

When they landed, Lauren was in awe. It was so beautiful; especially the rain drops on the water's surface.

"Do you like it?" Sirius asked, helping Lauren dismount the broom.

"Yeah, it's beautiful!" Lauren walked forward and slipped her shoes off to the side to dip her feet into the water. She couldn't believe how warm it was.

Sirius smiled and watched as Lauren examined her surroundings. Then, he made a running start and pushed off of the rock and dived into the water.

Lauren guarded her face from the splash and smirked. She jumped in the water right after Sirius.

She laughed when she saw some dirt smudged on Sirius's cheek and wiped it off with her thumb, and her fingers holding his lower cheekbone.

She attempted to move her hand, but Sirius held it there, caressing it with his own thumb.

Lauren shuddered and closed her eyes at the pleasure of his simple touch. She snaked her hand to the back of his neck and ran her fingers through his hair; her other hand ran up his abs, over his shoulder, and to the back of his neck.

Sirius gasped at her gentle and caressing touch and slid his arm around her waist, and put her hair behind her ears with his other hand.

She gazed into his eyes, searching for a hint of love or lust, when she found it. She almost cried; she could see the love in his eyes. A love that no one else had ever held in their eyes for her.

Sirius saw that Lauren was on the verge of tears and caressed her face. Then, he slid his other arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him.

Then, without another thought between them, he kissed her.

Lauren had never felt anything so blissful in her entire life. All of her fears and worries flew out of the window. And all she wanted was to stay in this moment forever and never leave.

Sirius held on tight to her, and never wanted to let go as long as they both lived. She meant everything to him, and he knew just from that kiss. Mr. Sirius Black was no longer, in his entire life, going to have another one-night stand.


End file.
